Archive for the 'Mullet Clown-era STAPLEGENIUS' Category


“IT’S WAR” pdf

Remember back in June of 1997 when aliens invaded and destroyed our precious landmarks and kidnapped President Bill Clinton? No…?! Maybe that’s because MULLET CLOWN, LIEDERHOSEN PUNK, BITTERNESS THE WRASSLER, MONSTER PIG-FACE BOY, BROTHER-2-THE-NITE, and CLOVEN-HOOVED HIPPIE stopped it all in 3 days…somehow!  Find out how for yourself within the pages of…IT’S WAR!!!  (Special thanks to SHLOGGS for his rendering of hell)




More MULLET CLOWN! More MONSTER PIG-FACE BOY!   Basically. the story was fun cause NELS and I plotted it together, I went off and penciled everything but NELS figures and then one SAturday afternoon he drew/inked/lettered all his parts. i went home and finished inking it within days. A fun collaboration! Not particularly ground-breaking or even-sensical, but whatevs. Fun is Fun, Milhouse.

MULLET CLOWN meets MPFB crossover


The Collected ‘MULLET CLOWN’ (2001-2004)

So, the call went out into the social mediasphere to see what else people wanted me to post. The one lone voice of was STAPLEGENIUS “Super Fan” DONN HA** who wanted to see more MULLET CLOWN. So I combed the archives, and not counting the grander adventures of IT’S WAR and the such, I was able to put together a 59 page pdf of MULLET CLOWN goodness.  Well…I don’t know how much of it is goodness. It’s old, immature, and in places barelt legible. But if you’re up for seeing the evolution of a cartoonist over 4 years, by all means, check it out.  Also, it’s pretty funny.


** Why is Donn the “Super Fan”? Cause he’s the one who programmed “STAPLE GENIUS!” into the game “5 MINUTES TO KILL YOURSELF!”



Here’s a cheery lil 5 page tale I did when I was 24 about what I thought the future held for the world. Bear in mind, it was drawn probably a year after 9/11. That said, this story is not very cheery.



IT’S WAR 2: THE WAR ON HOMELAND SECURITY–cover, intro, Continuity Guy

   Back when I started Staplegenius I was creating the exploits of a group of characters who more or less reflected my pointless, shiftless early 20’s lifestyle.  Then 9/11 happened.  And before I knew it these characters were wrapped up in adventures of over-reaching political grandeur.  The first post 9/11 story–IT’S WAR–was done in the spring of 2002 and is about an alien invasion during the Clinton administration that was a weak metaphor for the then-new “War on Terror”.  It was like 60 pages long and at the time the single longest story I had ever done (not counting a comic series I made as a teen, which I don’t).  Having the kind of mind I do, I began planning a continuation of the characters lives in this new world order as soon as IT’S WAR was completed.  And this time—this time it was going to be IN YOUR FACE about the politics!! So in early days of 2003 I started writing and penciling IT’S WAR 2: THE WAR ON HOMELAND SECURITY!

     Before I knew it, I had one hundred and one 11×17″ pencilled pages laying in front of me.  So I started lettering and inking and then I got a girlfriend and became side-tracked for several months.  But I raced got it done and printed in time for Fallcon 2003.  Looking back, I think it still stands pretty strong as a story considering my perpetual naivety on world affairs.  And the art was leaps and bounds of what I had done in the first IT’S WAR months earlier.  I blame STEVE STWALLEY for starting the INTERNATIONAL CARTOONIST CONSPIRACY.  It began right before I started penciling this and being around some many great other cartoonists forced me and taught me how to up my game.  And then years later BUD BURGY would tell me he really liked IT’S WAR 2 and wished I would do more with CONTINUITY GUY and MITCH and BROTHER 2-THE-NITE and… well, the rest is chrono chaos...

  But every story has a beginning, and I figured this one had plenty of exposition to get out of the way, and as fast as possible.  So settle in folks, there’s only 99 more pages to go after this…

   ***ADDITIONAL: The first couple of pages have that WORDWARRIORS.COM brand because in the spring of 2004 fledgling publisher Word Warriors Press discovered IT’S WAR 2 and liked it. A lot.  Not publish it a lot, but a lot enough that they offered me the chance of having it scanned and posted online for free so everyone everywhere could enjoy it and there was never a question it was my property blah blah blah, and in that pre-wordpress and wifi world I couldn’t say no.  Not with my technological ignorance at the time I couldn’t.  I don’t know what ever happened to Word Warriors Press, but the website is still there and IT’S WAR 2: THE WAR ON HOMELAND SECURITY is still proudly featured and I really, really appreciate that So if you want to read ahead, go there and read the whole story all in one easy dose.  But if you want to hear me wax nostalgic about life in the thick of the Bush Administration, then check back here every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday for…a while…


TC: FCBD–part 9(of 12)–by Bastian and Dank, also: I go all ‘cross hatchy’ on your ass

BASTIAN:  I just couldn’t figure out what type of evil chanting would work for something like this, so I just wrote “evil chanting” and figured you’d come up with something, and unlike every sports team I support, you didn’t let me down. I’ve always wondered if they actually mean something, but I think if I found out there were, it would creep me out even more. 

DANK:  Actually Brian, I don’t think it’ll creep you out too much.  Like you said, in the script there was no written incantation for Mark to read from the Necronomicon, so I reused the one I had Dick Cheney chant in IT’S WAR 2: THE WAR ON HOMELAND SECURITY(which you can read in its entirety HERE, though God, why would you?).  The devil-wording (or whatever it is) is an actual Satanic verse I got out of a friends book.  It’s from a poem about the beauty and power of nature or something equally UN-evil like that.

BASTIAN:   I’m sure I think the whole Marvel Zombie thing is a lot more hilarious than it probably is. I’m sure back in the day I actually got excited at the concept of Werewolf Captain America too.  Ah to be young and dumb again.

DANK:  Just realized we never answered the question of who would win that fight.  My guess–Werewolf Jonah Jameson’s Kid would sucker-punch’em both.

ALSO:  You probably already know this–since I’m guessing if you’ve read this far you know me all too well–but I wrote a recap of my experience at last weekends TWIN CITIES BOOK FEST for my favorite indie comic news website–THE DAILY CROSS HATCH.  I felt like I was writing an article for the coolest school newspaper ever, and was honored to be asked to be ‘a part of the team’, if only for a day.  Many thanks to SARAH MOREAN for giving me a platform for my rantings.  When I sent Sarah my ‘rehash’ I sent her A LOT of pictures.  Obviously she couldn’t use them all, but here are two of/from my buddy KEVIN CANNON I feel must go somewhere, so why not here:

  I didn’t bring any paper to BOOK FEST, hoping it wouldn’t turn into “that kind of show”.  About an hour in when I looked over and saw Keivn doodling, I was instantly jealous.  Anyway, here’s the awesomeness he made:


“UPTOWN GIRL CROSSOVER”–pg 11(of 11), also: a word from Bob Lipski

    THE END, indeed.  Sure, that was a pretty much pointless story, but it was fun to finally get out of my system.  I thank BOB LIPKSI for having the good humor of allowing me to post the implied defiling of one of his characters here.  Thanks, BOB! (More from Bob in a second…)    As for that nebulous last panel, what they are referring to are events take place prior to the CONTINUITY GUY graphic novel, and when that comes out in print in April 2010, the above panel will finally be explained….maybe.   Unduly confusing?  Yes.  But thats how I like to do it.

   Also,  there is no Daily Goal Sketch today, cause I didn’t have work Thursday (and don’t today, so no DGS on Monday either–sorry).  Instead, allow me to introduce UPTOWN GIRL creator BOB LIPSKI who has some thoughts on UPTOWN GIRL, and the crossover you just read.  Bob…

      Uptown Girl was never supposed to be the main character in a comic book. 

     She started off, in my head anyway, as a supporting cast member in a comic called “Punk Love”.  I was drawing a webcomic called “Fake Farm Landscape” at the time that was very off the cuff.  Sort of a biographical comic, lots of swearing, talking about sex and everything else.  “Punk Love” was originally going to continue the foul mouthed fun but more fictional. 

     “Punk Love” never saw print…and I never created anything more than a few character designs.  But it was supposed to be a back up feature in the original ‘Tommy Chicago’ series.  ‘Tommy Chicago’, created by Brian Bastian, is now in its third series and is drawn by Danno.  I drew the second series which ran for 12 issues and also had a few anthologies stories here and there.  The first series didn’t, and will never see print.  I drew about one and a half issues and that was the end of it.  This was back in….2001, I think.  The art was horrible, and Brian and I just didn’t have the discipline to follow through with it.  Too bad, the second issue started off with how Tommy Chicago met his sidekick Jimmy. 

      Anyway, in the cast of the first ‘Tommy Chicago’ series was a guy named Jake who had a mohawk and was just a scrappy punk rocker.  I thought it’d be fun to spin Jake off into his own series.  I stared to jot down ideas and I thought it’d be fun to have the series take place in the uptown area of Minneapolis .  One of the supporting cast members was a girl named ‘Uptown Girl’, a very happy and helpful person who was friends with Jake.  Soon Uptown Girl became more appealing to me and I started to give HER supporting cast members. 

      Bored at work one day, I drew the entire first issue of “Uptown Girl”.  And the characters literally came alive on the page in front of me.  Whereas I thought Uptown Girl’s world would be the same R-rated world that “Punk Love” was going to be, Uptown Girl’s world was sweet, innocent, funny and a little naïve.  I fully intended to bring the debauchery to her world, but dammit, it just wouldn’t work. 

      I get criticized a lot for how squeaky clean my comic could get, but I didn’t mind.  I saw the “all ages” feel of it a challenge to tell entertaining stories.  I felt a little silly for…I dunno, “rejecting” Danno’s story because of the…uh, escapades in his comic.  But the audience of ‘Uptown Girl’ also dictated the writing.  ‘Uptown Girl’ attracted a very young audience early on.  My first piece of fan mail was from a nine year old girl.  After I started getting letters and parents buying books as gifts for their kids, I just couldn’t taint Uptown Girl’s world…even if the closet stuff was very open to interpretation.  So I always erred on the side of extreme caution.  Maybe becoming a parent has changed me more than I thought. 

     So I always felt bad for not publishing Danno’s story.  I am very happy to see it here and I’m glad he has the chance to show it off. 

   Thanks again, Bob!  You said ‘taint’, by the way…pervert.  As for next week…umm…I’ll think of something.  Maybe I’ll get back on track with posting the MANLY TALES OF COWARDICE series.  Yeah, that sounds like a good idea.  So be back here Monday for MANLY TALES OF COWARDICE #4–featuring some thoughts by me and guest writer for that issue BRIAN BASTIAN!  See you then.



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